No, You Can't Get On My Roof
As soon as there's a mildly severe storm in the area, Gary, Larry, and their sister Mary are at my door asking if they can inspect my roof. No, you can't fucking see my roof. Begone, thot!
Solicitors
First of all, if you're a solicitor, I'm sorry. I couldn't do your job for ethical and mental health reasons. Second of all, fuck you. Why do you make your living by bothering people at their homes?
Storms
There's something about the weather that brings these people out. I don't know what it is, but any time there's a mildly bad storm in the area, these freaks are knocking on my door. Last weekend, there were a couple storms that blew through, but nothing crazy. By Tuesday, two ladies in casual clothes are pounding on the door asking me when my last roof inspection was. I couldn't even answer before one of them is spouting off how important it is to get your roof inspected and there's probably already damage up there, yada-yada. She was wondering if "her friend" could get up on my roof.
I told her I had an inspection within the last six months, informed her that I didn't need her services, and I thought that would be the end of it. Wrong. She then wanted to know about my gutters and if they had any work done recently, to which I told her we're renters and don't even worry about that shit ourselves.
That'll be the end, right? Wrong.
Her: "Can I give you my card and maybe you can pass it along to your landlord?"
Me: "No, she likes to use her own contractors."
Her: "So I can't give you my card?"
Me: "No."
Luckily they went away after that.
But wait, there's more!
I thought that would be the end of it. Two days later, I hear another knock at the door. This time, I've wisened up. I give it a few seconds, let the dogs bark a bit, peek out the window. A different pair of women standing on my driveway, this time with proper roofing company attire. I let them go without a peep, but fuck. What is it with these people? Someone knocks on the door and the dogs are freaked for hours. Men, are you sending your wives out to do your dirty work while you have all the fun up there? We don't even have trees/limbs nearby. The hail hasn't been more than pea-sized. What gives?
What if I came to your business asking if I could inspect your computers anytime there's a lightning strike nearby?
What if the homies from the local tire shop started rolling up whenever there's construction around?
Moral of the story
Get the fuck off my lawn!